Thursday, April 28, 2011

Birth Control: Unlocked.

So, today was big. I guess it's yesterday now, but this totally still counts as Thursday's post. And there won't be any images because I forgot to take any pictures and then my phone died when I remembered, so you get to suck it up and look at all this pretty text instead.

Last night was stormy- bad stormy. There are over 200 dead across the southeast, and there were 11 tornadoes in my state alone. Tens of thousands are without power, and so many homes are now piles of rubble- not even recognizable as buildings anymore. Fortunately, the storm passed us by, though we were under a tornado warning for a while. We went and hid out in our (extremely large) crawlspace. Because of this, I slept less than four hours last night. Because, as it generally goes when you have to stay up late, I had to get up early.

I had a doctor's appointment at 11, and we're a one car family, so I had to drive Z to work and then drive to his mother's house to drop off Bug for her to babysit. I left her with 10 oz of pumped milk, and even though it was going where it was meant to- to feed Bug- it was still pretty hard to part with. I work hard for that stuff!

The appointment was for my six week postpartum, as well as a Paragard IUD insertion. I had heard from several people that the insertion was generally painful, and read online that it could cause cramps and minor pains, which might result in fainting. Yeah. Fainting. Not something I'm a fan of. I've never done it, and I didn't want to start when I was all by myself and needed to drive. Fortunately, the insertion wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I was actually more bothered by the Q-tip the doctor used to swab my cervix clean than I was the insertion- I barely even notice when she slipped the IUD from my vagina to my uterus. Plus, I got to see my non-pregnant uterus on ultrasound, and it was pretty cool. The tech even showed me where my eggs were forming in my ovaries.

This appointment was the first time I've been completely alone since Bug was born. I've left her before, once to go to dinner with Z, and once to go to work. Neither of those were hard, because I was with people I knew, and I was busy doing things. Sitting in a waiting room all alone for an hour- I cried, totally. I was so nervous about getting the IUD inserted, and no one I called was answering their phone, and I had only gotten three hours of sleep, and there was a baby in the next section over making alternately distressed and adorable noises that made me miss my own baby so badly... I would have done anything to have Z with me at that moment. (One day I'll write a post about how I love him more than Bug, and why that's okay... even when I was missing her terribly, it was him I really wanted and needed.) I've never felt more alone in my life, and the nervousness about the procedure and the loneliness were feeding off one another and just building and building... it took a lot of willpower and the intrigue of Aretha Franklin on The View to keep me calm.

Once the appointment was over, I appeased my unhappy emotional self by going to lunch with Z on his lunch break, even though we really couldn't afford it. I'm chalking it up as a necessary expenditure, though I suppose I could have sucked it up. We sat on the curb outside Subway because the shopping center had no benches in an effort to prevent loitering. We loitered, and kissed. It was nice. We should loiter and kiss every day. Also, those kisses were the precursor to our first postpartum sex tonight, which I may discuss in another post.

In other news, my hair is blonde again instead of pink, and I'm a sad kid.

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